This Side of the Pond

There’s something to be said for perseverance, but there’s also virtue in knowing when to stop beating the dead horse.

The Loch Ness Monster, for example.

She’s arguably the most famous cryptobeast on the planet and we’ve been searching for her for 1300 years, yet we’ve never managed to introduce ourselves. We had an excuse back when the best you could do was a quick sketch of what you just saw, and even when it took half an hour to snap a photo, but can we really keep the charade going despite all the technology of the modern world?

The self-proclaimed largest ever hunt for the critter just took place, but is there really a point to this nonsense? Does anyone still genuinely believe she exists?

At least a few people do – the ones who turned up at the lake to take up positions at 17 spots around the lake and keep their eyes peeled for the tell-tale hump. They were the analog side of the equation, tasked with searching for “anomalies” on the surface while an underwater microphone, thermal imaging and drones covered the hunt’s electronic bases.

Did they find Nessie? Of course they didn’t.

Oh, some of them will tell you that they did. Quite a few now seem convinced they’ve got the proof to crack the mystery.

Eoin O’Faodhagain, for example, says he “won the lottery” with a video clip of something black breaking the surface. He saw the clip on one of the many live webcams that have been running nonstop for years without capturing any footage. Nessie can really hold her breath.

Mr. O’Faodhagain says he is confident it was not a fish because it had a wake, and that its movement was “uncharacteristic” of a seal or an otter. (Really? They don’t ever come up for a second for air and then go back underwater?)

He also claims that “15 or 20 feet would not be an over-exaggeration” for the size of the something. So, not an over-exaggeration then, just an exaggeration?

Steve Feltham, a man from my home town who gave up his job, house and family three decades ago to live by the lake watching for the monster (clearly a completely reasonable fellow), was unconvinced. He reckons most Nessie sightings are a false alarm. Shocking, I know.

Whoever is in charge of logging “official” Nessie sightings has agreed with Mr. Feltham and determined that Mr. O’Faodhagain’s find should not be added to the record. I haven’t been able to find out why, although I think I can guess.

I shall illustrate my suspicions with a quote from a Canadian Nessie enthusiast who took part in the hunt and is reported to have said:

“I’ve heard lots of stories from the locals, which all contradict each other. There are two types of people in the world, Nessie believers and non-believers, and I’m not interested in the latter. I have a spiritual connection to the Loch Ness monster and think there is a portal to another dimension in the loch.”

Well alright then. 

One volunteer claims to have seen a “giant shadow just under the surface” that moved and dipped. Another woman came forward with a picture she took in 2018 but had decided not to share in case of public ridicule, which is fair.

Steve Feltham felt more enthusiastic about this latter one, according to reports of the find. He apparently said they were the “best things” he’s seen in all his years living by the loch. I’m not sure who crowned him the ultimate authority on Nessie sightings, but here we are.

Even with all that participation, no definitive proof was found. Alan McKenna of Loch Ness Exploration said this wasn’t surprising because Nessie is elusive. I think it is not surprising for other reasons.

But I do feel we should take a moment to think about Harry, a seven-year-old who was diagnosed with leukemia while he was still in diapers. He’s a tiny dinosaur expert who one day came across a picture of Nessie and realized it looks a lot like his favorite creatures.

You can’t do much Nessie hunting from a hospital bed, so Make A Wish UK was enlisted to help Harry join the hunt. They took him for a day-trip to the loch to be greeted by bagpipes, meet some alpacas and tour the water with Loch Ness Cruises.

I don’t know why the skipper of that boat is the only person Nessie has revealed her location to – you can never know the mind of an ancient dinosaur. But reveal herself she has, and Harry got to be among the select few who’ve come face to face with the legend.

Was it the real Nessie? I wouldn’t like to say.

What I do know is that one happy little boy has not only had the adventure of his lifetime – something he wouldn’t have been able to do during the long years of his treatment – but is now confirmed to be in remission.

I’m not saying Nessie was the cure, that would be silly.

I’m not even suggesting Nessie is real, although wouldn’t it be wonderful if she was?

Just that magic and wonder still exist in many forms, especially through the eyes of a child, and every so often it’s the medicine we crave the most.

I would be remiss to not also mention that, last year, British scientists came across the fossils of long-necked marine reptiles in a 100 million-year-old river system in the Sahara Desert. Interestingly, this contradicts the “proof” that Nessie couldn’t have been a plesiosaur, as many of her fans believe, because they only lived in salt water.

I guess the lesson here is that, the majority of the time, truth is the ideal we should all be aspiring to. But sometimes, just sometimes, imagination is better.